Pink Spider and the 7 JRockers
by macabre-kyo
Summary: Parody of Snow White... hide in Lolita skirts, magic mics, gnomes, Yoshiki and stupidity. Please R+R ^^
1. Pink Spider Shippai Daa

Pink Spider and the 7 J-Rockers  
  
Once upon a BBQ, there was some pregnant teenager who was doing her make-up like a pop singer. But suddenly, she tripped and fell and some terrible things happened very quickly to her. When she pulled herself up, she saw herself in the mirror and squeaked.  
  
"OMG! This is the most amazing discovery I ever made!" though the girl had never made a discovery in her life. "This is so amazing, I think I'll have my first-born dress like this. Yes, that is so smart. She will have eyes that look like they have never slept, like how this Avril Lavigne look is trying to do, and will wear neon clothes like this raver-style, and have hair that looks like this spider on my nose... Naw, what am I THINKING?" Then the spider moved it's leg  
  
Then the girl started screaming and ran around the room yelling for animal control.  
  
This preppy girl with no culture at all decided she would get married to this dude who ruled all of the land, because it was his fault she was a pre-pubescent whore. (Well it wasn't actually, but I don't really care. I'm a terrible writer anyways) So he reluctantly married the little girl even though he really wanted to be the next member of Morning Musume, and suddenly their child was born(-ed). But the pre-pubescent girl was shocked because the child turned out exactly like her previous anti-pop wish. And it was also a dude. They decided to name him hide because that's what they did with him every time an evil overlord came over for tea.  
  
But it turned out that hide didn't know how to say his name properly, so his mother died of shame. hide's father was so glad she was dead, he imported Ayumi Hamasaki from Japan to BBQland to be his new evil wife. But then he died the next day, and Ayumi decided to put hide to work. Meaning... he had to sing all of the Sex Pistols songs to her every day while playing the guitar piece as well. Because Ayumi was really Steve Jones' stalker and her secret ambition was to make Steve and Sid both Johnny's lovers O_o No one could ever know that Ayumi liked the Pistols or yaoi, or else she would be praised as a fair and gracious queen, when she wanted to be evil.  
  
Ayumi had a magic mic that seemed to know a great deal of things. She would say "Mic, mic on the standee, who is the very, very most dandy?" and every day the mic would say "It is you, oh great evil Ayumi!" And so she was evilly content at being the most dandy person ever. She was so content she became more evil every day and woke hide up every morning with her satanic laugh.  
  
Many years later...  
  
One day, Ayumi walked up to her magic mic and crooned with it for a while. Then she said "Mic. Mic on the standee, who is the very, very most dandy?" The mic didn't answer quite right away. But after a minute it said, "Oh shit."  
  
"WHAT!?" demanded Ayumi. She didn't want the mic to be playing games with her again.  
  
"Ahem. I am very sorry to say, that you are no longer the very most dandy." The mic said quietly. Ayumi stared at the magic mic as if it were Kyo coming out of her sandwich and singing 'Kiss me deadly~!"  
  
"THEN WHO IS, YOU B****ING MIC!?" Ayumi screamed at the mic so that all of BBQland could hear.  
  
"It's hide." The mic whispered. Ayumi was so shocked she fell over like an anime character and really died. But some random dude came in and accidentally dropped a ghostly magic lemon potion on her, and she came back to life. She cackled evilly as if the mic had said "Let's take over the world!" instead of "It's hide."  
  
"Now I have the perfect excuse to get rid of that insolent Pink Spider!" she did that thing with her fingers evilly, while the mic tried to explain you can't change someone's name in the middle of the story. "Now I just gotta hire some idiot to go out and kill him and bring something back..." so she went to the yellow pages of the phonebook and looked up the local assassins.  
  
Meanwhile, hide was playing his guitar in the courtyard of the BBQ castle, and he thought it was so cute that these little birds were ripping each other apart for this lemon that was hide's breakfast, he wrote a song about lemons.  
  
"It's a lemon, lemon, LEMONed I scream~" he sang as all of the birds flew away because hide sounded so terrible at singing because of his cold. So he sat there crooning and sneezing while accompanying himself on the guitar. Suddenly, a convertible with a vanity license plate reading 'XTASY' drove into the courtyard and some dude wearing sunglasses came out. Luckily, his name was Yoshiki and not Charming... which means his parents were sane.  
  
"Hey dude, do you need a kleenex?" Yoshiki handed hide a box of puffs, "A nose in need deserves puffs indeed (and ears in need deserve earplugs indeed...)"  
  
"Why thank-you." hide said as he blew his nose and suddenly his cold had disappeared. Then he started to sing again and it sounded much better. And Yoshiki thought it would be so great if he could steal this song and make millions of dollars off of it, but he hadn't perfected how he was going to do that.  
  
Then Ayumi poked her head out of the window and saw Yoshiki and hide, and was very angry because she wanted to steal Yoshiki and his convertible, he was trespassing (the No Trespassing sign was now flattened against the ground), he was sitting with hide and worst of all, hide was singing some song that wasn't a Sex Pistols song.   
  
"PINK SPIDER! GET UP HERE AND MAKE YOUR BED!!!" she yelled out. hide smacked his forehead because he had cleaned the entire castle 5 minutes ago, and had forgotten to make his bed. So he ran inside while Yoshiki yelled out 'Waiiiiiiit! Come back!" Then Yoshiki was given a restraining order by the birds, and they picked up his convertible and dropped it down the steep driveway.  
  
"NOOOO! MY CONVERTIBLE!!!!" he screamed and chased it down the hill into BBQ Village.  
  
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Notes: Er yeah. If you want to know what compelled me to do this, it was adventuring with some friends (Stepk and Jenny) and making up the story 'Vanderslut and the 3 Punks'. I know I'm insane, thank-you. Also... this story was written for kicks, so the writing quality is... very bad.  
  
Ok, some background info on references: hide and YOSHIKI were from the J-Rock band X-Japan. Sadly, hide died in 1998 ;_; Yoshiki nicknamed hide Pink Spider so uh... title ^^ Yoshiki's license plate actually says XTASY (he has a record label called Extasy I think) or so I've read. Ayumi Hamasaki is a J-Pop singer. No, I don't think she's evil, I actually like her music. Morning Musume is a... very strange and large J-Pop group. The Sex Pistols are... THE punk rock band. Shut-up. And lastly, Kyo is the vocalist of Dir en Grey (J-Rock band) and 'Kiss me deadly' is a line from their song child prey. 


	2. Warehouse and Gnomeliness

The Next Day...  
  
It was 2:03 in the morning, and Ayumi was giving the assassin a pep talk. Sorta.  
  
"Ok, Mr.."   
  
"I'm not a Mr, my name is Ms. A. Fangirl."  
  
"...What does the A stand for?"  
  
"Annoyitalitableetastida."  
  
"I wish I had never asked... Ok, Ms. Fangirl, your mission is to take Pink Spider to frolic in the fields, and then KILL HIM." Ayumi cackled at this point.  
  
"...That's pleasant."  
  
"Yes it is. And then I want you to bring back his hair in this little box." Ayumi pointed to a little box that had a picture of hide's hair on it.  
  
"Ok then!" Ms Fangirl said as she sharpened her giant pink scythe of doom.  
  
A few hours later, hide was frolicking in the fields while Ms Fangirl watched from a very sharp rock that was irritating her backside. All of the birds were forming a line behind hide and suddenly they weren't frolicking, they were playing 'World War II', and hide was voted to be Hitler. So he ran around the field shouting things in German with grass stuck under his nose for his mustache. Then he noticed something odd.  
  
"Something... seems very odd..." hide looked around suspiciously, and accidentally sniffed the grass up his nose. As he was coughing and choking, Ms Fangirl panicked.  
  
"Wh-what could be odd!?" she exclaimed thinking hide might have discovered the plan.   
  
"I just realized I am wearing a skirt." He looked down, and they both saw that hide was wearing an extremely short and poofy Gothic Lolita skirt with his neon clothes and sunglasses. Ms Fangirl fell off the rock into the long grass and started to have a secret nosebleed. hide completely forgot about the skirt and Ms Fangirl, because all of the birds were flying into a creepy dark forest, and he had to go capture them. So he pranced off into the forest. Ms Fangirl got up and realized hide was gone.  
  
"Damn, I guess I just have to pick some flamingo feathers to put in the box then..."  
  
All of a sudden, it was very late at night, and the forest hide went into was very intimidating. So intimidating, he started to scream like a school-girl as various trees and plants tried to steal his virginity... if he still had it.  
  
Suddenly, it was daytime again, and hide turned up at an extremely stupid little clearing. It was quite stupid, because it said on a sign 'The Quite Stupid Clearing'. hide poked the sign a bit, and circled it then, he looked around and saw a rather large house. Ok, maybe it was a warehouse. An abandoned warzone warehouse. Hide looked at it in disgust. It was the most filthy, sandy, dirty, warehouse ever. And it looked like a place where weird orgies were held. So he decided he would go inside, because his skirt was falling apart, and he didn't want any trees to notice.  
  
As he jumped in through one of the windows, he easily found a new skirt he could put on over his ripped-up one. Then hide decided to explore the warehouse.  
  
He saw the warehouse was completely ravaged... it was the most filthy, ransacked broken warehouse ever. So hide got the most intelligent idea.  
  
"I have now taken up residence here, and I'M GON' CLEAN UP!" he laughed evilly and kicked over a pot with scorpions in it. The scorpions crawled out and started to dance.  
  
"...AHHHHH!" hide screamed and jumped on top of a bed, which instantly broke. But the scorpions were just dancing and screaming "Yay Pink Spider! Praise Pink Spider!" Suddenly a bunch of kangaroo rats jumped out of nowhere and started to dance as well, while screaming "Pinku Supaidaa!"  
  
"Yo, my name is hide, little.... Creatures." hide looked down at the scorpions and kangaroo rats. "Hey~! Since you guys worship me so, will you do my bidding?" The scorpions and kangaroo stopped dancing.  
  
"Possibly. If we're allowed to dance while doing it." A kangaroo rat said solemnly. The rest nodded.  
  
"Ok then. I want you guys to help me clean up this hell hole..." hide gestured to the walls and floor and various other places in the small room of the warehouse.   
  
"OKEY DOKEY PINK SPIDER, SIR!" and the creatures scrambled to find other creatures to help them clean up, while hide decided to inspect the work being done.  
  
Meanwhile, somewhere deep in the forest at a gnome bar...  
  
7 J-Rockers were sitting in a row drinking chocolate milkshakes at the gnome bar of Gnomeliness, which was owned and operated by Gnome #1, and Gnome #2, as they discussed the work they had done that day. All was going well, Gnome #1 and 2 were having a lot of business today and there hadn't been any fights, and only two preps had come in looking for jobs as pole dancers. But suddenly, something sudden happened very suddenly all of a sudden.  
  
"THIS SONG FOR THE CRAAAAAACKERS.... CRYING IN NIIIIIIIGHT! For CRACKERS lost LONELYYYYYYY, SEEEEEEARCHING for CHEEEEEEEESE..." One of the 7 J-Rockers who was named Kyo, had gotten very drunk on his chocolate milkshakes had jumped onto the bar table and started singing. But since this song was copyrighted to Gregs, the most annoying obnoxious flying thing in the universe, everyone panicked and the Gregs alarm was pulled. Just then, the 6 J-rockers remembered they had left Kyo inside, so they 'sent' their friend Yu~ki to go and save him. Yu~ki and Kyo came out 5 minutes later, and Kyo was still trying to sing while there was a napkin holder stuck in his mouth.  
  
"Thanks Yu~ki~~!" said Gackt as he tried to give him a kiss, while Mana and Kana tried to stop him.  
  
"No problem." Yu~ki then saw a girl who was over 3 years old and decided to stalk her.  
  
"Damn. I wanted some rum..." Kyo weeped as he looked at the now closed Gnome bar, still not knowing that the whole predicament was his fault. The 6 other J-Rockers slowly looked at one another, and simultaneously bopped Kyo on the head.  
  
"Let's head home, guys... and girl," Kaoru smiled stupidly at Mana who then used his super-Mana shoes to make a big mark on Kaoru's face, so that he turned around and smiled stupidly at Kana instead. "We can finish our rad chocolate milkshake drinking party there." So Kaoru marched towards the forest, followed by Gackt who was fixing his hair, being slowly trailed by Mana who was being silent, who had Kana skipping happily behind him, who was immediately followed by the dancing Miyavi who was being attacked by seek's cheekiness, and lastly was Kyo singing the crackers song, scaring off any remaining gnomes.  
  
"Welcome, welcome, welcome to the dirty warehouse!", he sung after he'd finished the cracker song. Unfortunately, he would be mighty disappointed when he returned to the 'dirty' warehouse...  
  
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Notes: Just some more references to clear up *yawn*  
  
The warehouse is the one in the Schwein No Isu PV by Dir en Grey ^^ Wahaha. Yu~ki and Mana were members of the band Malice Mizer, and Mana is now in a band called Moi Dix Mois. And Mana dresses like a girl, so you know... Gackt was also in Malice Mizer, now he is a rather strange 'solo' vocalist. Kaoru is the leader/guitarist of Dir en Grey. Kana is (I think) the ONLY female Visual Kei vocalist. (Shiina Ringo does J-Rock, not visuals, I think _) seek is the bassist of Psycho le Cemu (cheeky seeky!) and Miyavi is an extremely weird vocalist (AKA Miyabi from Due le Quartz).  
  
Oh yeah! The kangaroo rats are Kyo's pets, and Kyo also is very fond of scorpions.  
  
Blow Over, Yes a Storm is Over, This Trade Will be Game Over. (roughly translated: Please review! Feedback is good!) 


End file.
